<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>the perfect life does not exist by danishsweethearts</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23154073">the perfect life does not exist</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/danishsweethearts/pseuds/danishsweethearts'>danishsweethearts</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Batfam Week 2020 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Age Swap, Banter, Batfam Week 2020, Family Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Parties, Role Reversal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:21:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,902</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23154073</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/danishsweethearts/pseuds/danishsweethearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Healing starts in many ways. Sometimes, it even starts with a confetti gun. (Day '7': Fluff)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Stephanie Brown &amp; Cassandra Cain &amp; Tim Drake &amp; Dick Grayson &amp; Jason Todd &amp; Damian Wayne, and all variations thereof</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Batfam Week 2020 [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658782</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>229</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the perfect life does not exist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>aaaand we've reached the end! something sweet and gentle to finish us up.</p><p>thanks so much for sticking w me on this journey! this is the most ive ever written within such a short time period, and im honestly impressed i made it haha. i hope u all had a good time w my reverse batfam babies, and thank you so much for all of your support throughout &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Damian has been aware that his siblings have been planning something for a few days now. It is a combination of him knowing them too well, and them not being particularly subtle about it; he is certain that they are aware that he is aware, but none of them say anything. He simply waits, and they simply… continue whatever it is they are doing.</p><p>What blindsides him is that he did not realize this plan included Cassandra as well. He had assumed that she was in on their plans, so when they are ambushed after their monthly art gallery trip, he does not see it coming.</p><p>Damian and Cassandra arrive back at Wayne Manor. They both got too immersed while at the gallery, so they have not eaten yet; they put down their bags and head towards the kitchen. After spending the morning with his sister, Damian feels. Good. He supposes that is the word. </p><p>It has been a strange month, between the bouts of dimension travel and the encounters with the supernatural, but the knot of restlessness in Damian’s chest is finally unravelling. They have had a calm week. Even Gotham’s streets have not been too unforgiving, and while that usually signifies that something big is brewing, all Damian can feel is grateful. He does not know if he could handle the worst this city could throw at him right now.</p><p>They walk into the kitchen together, and everything erupts into noise.</p><p>“Welcome back,” Jason shouts, as Richard breathes loudly into a party blower, and Timothy shoots a confetti gun.</p><p>Stephanie, standing in the middle of the group, is holding a cake and grinning.</p><p>Behind them, there is a banner strung up between the top of the fridge and the cabinets.</p><p>It reads, <em> Sorry you were raised as assassins! </em>It is handpainted. </p><p>It is… the worst thing Damian has ever seen.</p><p>He and Cass look at each other, and then turn back to the family.</p><p>“What,” he asks, “is exactly happening right now?”</p><p>Timothy pulls out another confetti gun and shoots that too. His face is neutral.</p><p>“We’re throwing you a party,” Stephanie says.</p><p>“It was Dick’s idea,” Jason adds. </p><p>Damian and Cassandra look at Richard. He shrugs, unapologetic.</p><p>“It was my idea,” he confirms. “Everyone has been so sad lately, and when I was in the circus, we would throw parties for people who were sad to cheer them up, so I thought…”</p><p>He trails off. There is a strange expression on his face, and it takes Damian a moment to read it for what it is. Embarrassment. Oh.</p><p>Cassandra nudges him on the shoulder. When he turns to look at her, she is smiling. </p><p>Timothy says, “Just for the record, I didn’t think it was going to work,”</p><p>Damian scowls at him. “Shut up,” he says, walking the rest of the way into the kitchen with his head held high. “Cut me a piece of cake.”</p><p>Richard grins. “I made it myself! Well, Steph helped, but I did <em> most </em> of the work, so it was basically all me,”</p><p>Stephanie laughs, saying, “Nobody likes a show-off, Dick,”</p><p>Richard rolls his eyes. “Everyone likes me,”</p><p>He is not entirely wrong.</p><p>Cassandra walks up beside Damian. They both examine the cake as Stephanie sets it on the counter. It is covered in so much icing that Damian cannot tell what flavour it is; the icing itself is white, with a big red heart in the centre of the cake. </p><p>Richard says, “Looks pretty good, huh?”</p><p>Jason scoffs. “Oh yeah,” he says, reaching over to ruffle Richard’s hair. “You’ve got a real career in cake decoration, I’m telling you,”</p><p>Richard bats his hand away, scrunching up his nose as he does. Damian is almost certain that Richard had picked up that habit from him, and has to suppress a smile at the thought. </p><p>Cassandra reaches out a hand and deftly swipes off some icing. As with everything Cassandra does, none of them can react to it in time.</p><p>Richard protests, “Cass! No!” as she giggles. She makes to go for another taste, and Timothy has to hold Richard back from leaping across the counter. He could probably make it, but it is the principle of it all.</p><p>Eyes lit up, Cassandra says, “Very good,”</p><p>Richard huffs, going limp in Timothy’s grasp. “Better be,” he grumbles, crossing his arms. It is such a ridiculous sight that the rest of them laugh, which prompts a smile from Richard as well, albeit hesitant.</p><p>Stephanie hands out pieces of cake to everybody. When she gives one to Damian, she looks him in the eye and says, “Sorry you were raised as an assassin,”</p><p>She turns to Cassandra, and says the same. Everyone else in the room choruses along.</p><p>Cassandra laughs softly. Damian cannot help but smile. </p><p>“No apologies,” Cassandra says. “Only cake.”</p><p>Jason laughs and nods. “You are the smartest person in this family, Cass,” he says. Then, he spears his piece of cake with his fork, and bites into it. Timothy rolls his eyes.</p><p>The rest of them settle down, and begin to eat. It is quite good; Damian is begrudgingly impressed. As far as he is aware, only and Stephanie really have any ability to cook within this family. He mentally adds Richard to this list. Of course, it is not that much of an issue whether Richard can cook or not: he, Jason and Cassandra all still live at the manor. The only person in the overlap of ‘cannot cook’ and ‘does not live at home’ is Timothy, and Damian loathes to admit it, but he has spent much of his time wondering whether his brother has starved to death or not. </p><p>He should probably visit Timothy more. To make sure he is actually eating. And… that flat must be lonely. </p><p>He clears his throat and says, “This is excellent, Richard,”</p><p>Richard beams at him with a mouthful of cake. “Thanks!” he says happily.</p><p>“Don’t speak with your mouth full,” Timothy tells him with a smile. Richard pokes his tongue out at Timothy. There is cake and icing on it. The sight is disgusting.</p><p>Damian laughs.</p><p>Everybody seems pleased to hear it, which, strangely, makes Damian feel self-conscious. He has never been quite so cognizant of how his own mood affects the people around him than now; it has been years and years since he left the League, but sometimes he still forgets that what he looks for in other people, they also look for in him.</p><p>He looks at all of his family smiling at him. He smiles back.</p>
<hr/><p>Tim really should’ve seen it coming. He blames himself for this one entirely. There is never one singular incident with this family; it is always a pattern, or a tradition, or a preposterous set of coincidences. </p><p>He should’ve seen it coming, but he doesn’t, so one night he drags himself back to his apartment after a long day of meetings at Wayne Enterprises, and promptly gets the shit scared out of him.</p><p>“What’s up, bitch!” Steph yells, as Damian <em> points a confetti cannon at his face </em> and shoots it. Tim stumbles backwards, knocking into his hat rack and sending it toppling.</p><p>He looks at the hat rack. He looks at Damian and Steph. They’re both grinning at him, with stupid smug smiles.</p><p>“Fuck you guys,” he says, putting a hand over his heart. He laughs a little. “You scared the shit out of me!”</p><p>Damian shrugs, while Steph throws her head back and laughs.</p><p>“That was the intended outcome,” Damian says. “Pity we did not get it on camera,”</p><p>Steph scoffs, waving a hand. “Tim’s got cameras up the fuckin’ wazoo in this place. We can pull the footage from somewhere,”</p><p>Tim is going to go through his files and purge them after this. Exhaling in relief, he throws his work bag towards Damian, who catches it deftly. He smirks again.</p><p>“What are you guys even doing here?” he asks, dumping his jacket on the fallen rack and walking over to Damian and Stephanie. </p><p>“Oh, right,” Steph says, and then she points towards the couch. Tim blinks.</p><p>A banner has been draped across the back. It’s the same one that Jason and Dick had made for Damian and Cass’s party, except instead of <em> Sorry you were raised as assassins! </em> , the <em> were raised as assassins! </em> part has been crossed out. Underneath it, somebody has painted <em> lost your leg! </em></p><p>He snorts, despite himself. “Wow guys,” he says, chuckling, “really feeling the love and effort.”</p><p>“It’s called recycling, Tim,” Steph jokes. “Look it up, you planet-killer.”</p><p>Tim rolls his eyes. “Gee, my bad,” he replies, but he’s smiling all the same. He looks at Damian and Steph. “The others didn’t get an invite?”</p><p>Steph snorts.</p><p>“I intended it to be only me, actually,” Damian says, sending a half-hearted glare her way. “Stephanie invited herself,”</p><p>“Think about it, Damian,” Steph says while wagging a finger. “Imagine how crushed Tim would be if his favourite family member wasn’t here!”</p><p>Tim tilts his head. “Oh, is Cass here?” he asks.</p><p>Damian sniggers. Steph sticks the rude finger up at Tim.</p><p>He grins at her, feeling the weight and fatigue of an entire day working and being on his feet fall away. He’s been trying to ignore it, but lately, he’s been experiencing phantom pains and aches more than usual. He figures it’s because the shit that went down in that cave, but he’s <em> really </em> not a fan either way. He had hoped to ride it out on his own but, then again, why should he?</p><p>He’s got a perfectly good bunch of family members to hang out with and distract him, after all.</p><p>“Come on,” Steph says, gesturing towards his kitchen. “Damian got you a cake.”</p><p>“You got me a cake?” Tim asks Damian, feeling a smile spring to his face. </p><p>Steph jumps in with, “Oh yeah. He spent like, 45 minutes inside this fancy bakery trying to decide which one you would like best. I think he only didn’t get kicked out because the servers realized he was Damian Wayne,”</p><p>Five years ago, Damian’s reaction to that revelation would’ve been embarrassment covered up with insults. Now, he simply smiles and says, “Nothing but the best for my little brother,”</p><p>Little brother? Oh god, now <em> Tim’s </em> the one who’s embarrassed. Feeling his cheeks heat up, he mumbles, “Well, you didn’t have to,”</p><p>“Aw,” Steph coos, “Timmy, you’re <em> so </em> cute,”</p><p>“Shut up,” Tim tells her. Why does his skin have to be so pale? He probably has a full-faced blush by now. </p><p>Steph throws an arm around him, and begins to lead him towards the kitchen. Damian falls into step beside them, and as they walk, turns to look at Tim.</p><p>Tim looks back.</p><p>With a fond, soft smile, the likes that is rarely seen on his face, Damian reaches up and smooths down Tim’s hair. Tim feels his face go even redder. Oh, <em> god. </em></p><p>Damian comments, “You are right. He spends so much time looking like a computer gremlin, I forget that he can be rather cute.”</p><p>Tim puts his face in his hands and mumbles, “Fuck you both. I’m taking my cake and I’m kicking you out.”</p><p>They just laugh at him, like they know he won’t. And they’re right. He won’t. Unbelievable.</p>
<hr/><p>Steph knows what this family is like, so after the night she spends at Tim’s apartment with him and Damian, she sends out a text.</p><p>
  <b>batman fanclub</b>
</p><p><b>[16:18] the child formerly known as steph</b> <b><br/>
</b>if any of u throw me a ‘sorry u died’ party, i will die again and not come back this time</p><p><b>[16:18] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>what are we supposed to do with these custom party hats now, steph?</p><p><b>[16:18] the child formerly known as steph</b> <b><br/>
</b>i can’t tell if ur joking or not</p><p><b>[16:18] tim</b> <b><br/>
</b>He is</p><p><b>[16:19] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>or am i? dun dun DUN</p><p> <b>[16:19] Damian Wayne</b> <b><br/>
</b>He is.</p><p><b>[16:19] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>yall are no fucking fun</p><p><b>[16:19] cass!</b> <b><br/>
</b>Jar</p><p><b>[16:19] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>it doesnt count if its online</p><p><b>[16:19] cass!</b> <b><br/>
</b>Yes it does (งಠ_ಠ)ง</p><p><b>[16:19] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>NO IT DOESNT</p><p><b>[16:19] the child formerly known as steph</b> <b><br/>
</b>all in favour of cass say aye</p><p><b>[16:19] Damian Wayne</b> <b><br/>
</b>Aye.</p><p><b>[16:19] tim</b> <b><br/>
</b>aye</p><p><b>[16:19] the child formerly known as steph</b> <b><br/>
</b>ayeeeee thats majority, sucks 2 b u jason</p><p><b>[16:20] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>FUCK ALL OF YOU</p><p><b>[16:19] Damian Wayne</b> <b><br/>
</b>Jar.</p><p><b>[16:19] cass!</b> <b><br/>
</b>Jar!</p><p><b>[16:19] the child formerly known as steph</b> <b><br/>
</b>jar lmfaoooo</p><p><b>[16:19] tim</b> <b><br/>
</b>Jar </p><p><b>[16:19] dickie g</b> <b><br/>
</b>hey every1 guess what</p><p><b>[16:19] tim</b> <b><br/>
</b>Whats up</p><p><b>[16:20] dickie g</b> <b><br/>
</b>motherfuckin 420 BLAZE IT THATS WHAT</p><p><b>[16:20] Damian Wayne</b> <b><br/>
</b>…</p><p><b>[16:20] dickie g</b> <b><br/>
</b>alright thats my cue bye</p><p><b> <em>dickie g</em> </b> <b> has left <em>batman fanclub</em></b></p><p><b>[16:20] jason (jeans jason)</b> <b><br/>
</b>oh great we can plan his party now</p><p><b>[16:20] Damian Wayne</b> <b><br/>
</b>Not if he gets grounded from now until forever.</p><p><b>[16:20] the child formerly known as steph</b> <b><br/>
</b>oooh dadmian is out in full force</p><p><b>[16:20] Damian Wayne</b> <b><br/>
</b>What the fuck did you just call me?</p><p><b>[16:20] cass!</b> <b><br/>
</b>Jar (o˘◡˘o)</p>
<hr/><p>Realistically, Bruce knows that he has mostly lost track of his kids. It’s not a bad thing, persay. It’s a mix of them getting older and growing more independent, and him becoming busier as Wayne Enterprises and Batman Inc grow. It just means that he doesn’t really know what they do, or why they’re doing it, or if he should be concerned. Most of them seem to think this is the ideal setup. Bruce could probably do with a bit more awareness, but if they’re happy, he’s happy. Something like that.</p><p>Maybe he should start pushing a bit more, though. More awareness, for example, could’ve prepared him for this situation.</p><p>His kitchen has been taken over by all of his children. Stephanie is here as well, and he considers saying something, but from the way everybody glares at him when his gaze lands on her, he doesn’t think that’s the best idea.</p><p>There is a banner strung across the room, which seems to have been modified… several times? Bruce can’t read the writing underneath, but it currently reads <em> Sorry your parents were murdered! </em> which he… </p><p>Yeah, he’s not going to dwell on that one, actually. </p><p>He turns to Jason. Out of everybody, Bruce will get at least a semi-decent explanation out of him. Bruce raises an eyebrow at Jason.</p><p>Jason says, “We’re having a party.”</p><p>That would explain the confetti all over the ground and counter, the cake on the table, and the sparkly party hats everybody wears.</p><p>“What’s the occasion?” he asks. He’s pretty sure he knows what the occasion is. He just wants to hear one of them say it out loud.</p><p>Jason clears his throat awkwardly. “It’s, um. A party for Dick. Though I guess you fit the criteria too…?”</p><p>Jason points to the banner. Ah. So Bruce’s assumptions about the party occasion were right.</p><p>Richard swallows the bit of cake he was chewing. Leaping off of where he was sitting, on the countertop, he lands in front of Bruce and looks up at him with big eyes.</p><p>“Sorry your parents were murdered, B!” he says earnestly.</p><p>Tim winces. </p><p>Bruce, slowly, kneels down so that he’s eye level with Dick. Putting one hand on his child’s shoulder, and one hand coming up to pinch his cheek, Bruce smiles.</p><p>He says, “Thanks, chum. Sorry about your parents, too.”</p><p>Richard beams at him, and gives him a brief and tight hug. When Bruce stands up, everybody is smiling at him. It’s like they forgot that he <em> does </em> know what children are like, and actually <em> likes </em> children, even.</p><p>He brushes himself off. He clears his throat, and looks at Stephanie. Like that, everybody tenses up again. It makes him a little sad, but mostly it makes him proud of how well they all work together.</p><p>He asks her, “Cut me a piece of cake?”</p><p>Stephanie stares at him. She’s searching his face, that much he can tell, and he tries to broadcast as much as possible that he’s genuine.</p><p>Finally, she gives a cautious nod. She turns to cut the cake, and Bruce looks towards his other children. Cass and Dick are both smiling at him broadly. Damian looks proud.</p><p>Tim merely looks considering, but Bruce doesn’t hold it against him.</p><p>Jason walks over to Bruce and grins, opening up his arms.</p><p>“Hey, old man,” he says. “It’s been a while.”</p><p>Bruce steps into his son’s embrace, and hugs back tight. “It has,” he says. The latest Justice League mission had taken him into some of the farthest reaches of the universe. They had come back victorious, which was excellent, but Bruce did miss this a bit. “It seems I have a lot to catch up on,”</p><p>“Oh,” Jason says with a wry grin. “You have no idea. You’re not going to believe it.”</p><p>Bruce remembers his early days as Batman, jetting around the world, then adventuring with Clark and Diana. He has no doubt that his kids have gotten into mounds of trouble, but he’s <em> Batman. </em> Nobody outdoes Batman. He gives Jason a calm smile.</p><p>“Try me,” he says, and settles in for an afternoon with his children.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>it amuses me greatly that this is batfamily emphasis on bat week and yet batman has actually only appeared twice both in semi cameo roles. sorry bruce you are just... a lot</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>